Forced Calm
by Solora Goldsun
Summary: Ren knows that Nora needs stability. She needs someone who can keep calm when she's scared, someone who can bring her back whenever she finds herself on a downwards emotional spiral. Ren does what he can to be that person, regardless of the consequences.


**Happy Friday, everyone! Today's special is some Team Sloth angst, because I love my readers.**

 **Enjoy!**

Ren was used to waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of Nora crying out in her sleep. He was used to putting a hand on her brow and using his Aura to calm her down. He was used to her crawling into his bed and cuddling against his chest, as if he held the key to her eternal safety and mental clarity.

He tried to be that for her. He had always tried to be that for her, because that was what she needed. She needed security. She needed someone who would always be able to make things right. She needed stable emotions and good dreams.

It was because of this that Ren used his Aura on both himself and Nora frequently. He had to be ever vigilant, so he could step in if she started to fall down a self-inflicted mental spiral. And if he wanted to be a fount of strength, he had to keep his own thoughts and feelings under control, whether those were feelings of grief, anger, or love.

He dealt with the latter emotion frequently, especially whenever he was comforting his best friend. During these vulnerable times, he wanted to confess his deepest, most personal thoughts to her, and give her some kind of comfort. "I love you. I won't ever leave your side. I'll do everything in my power to make you happy and safe." That was what he always wanted to say, but never could.

How could he, after all? How could he ever put her on the spot like that, throwing the most uncontrolled of his emotions at her, when she needed him to keep her calm? So, he held his tongue. He couldn't afford to be selfish, or to lose himself to any one feeling.

He was still ashamed of how he had lost control in Kuroyuri. He had nearly gotten himself killed in a fit of rage and vengeance, and Nora had needed to be the one to ground him. He remembered her tears, remembered the sting of her hand, which honestly was nothing compared to the jab he felt in his heart when he realized he had failed her.

He was ashamed again when he woke up one night soon after the battle for Haven with tears streaming down his face, the feeling of a familiar hand on his shoulder. When he wiped his eyes, the first thing he saw was Nora's face hovering over him, eyes filled with concern.

"Hey," she whispered, careful not to wake any of the others. Even though she and Ren shared this room alone, the walls were thin enough to transmit any semi-loud conversations. "You were crying in your sleep."

"Just…allergies," he attempted lamely. He knew Nora didn't believe him when he caught the deadpanned glare that came to her turquoise eyes.

"Uh huh. Move over." She pulled back the covers and scooted into the bed next to him. She felt him relax almost too quickly when she hugged him around the middle. "What did you dream about?"

Ren hesitated, then realized he had to answer. "Several things," he admitted. "The Nuckelavee. The fight with Hazel. I keep…imagining things going differently. Losing more people." He said this instead of "Losing you."

Nora sighed, hugging him a little tighter for a moment. "Me too." She looked up at him. "You really need to stop getting thrown around during these fights, you know? You're gonna give me a heart attack one of these days."

"I'm fine," he assured her.

"No, you're not." Nora fixed him with a glare. "I worry about you and Jaune. You've both been a little too ready to throw yourselves into danger lately; you with the Nuckelavee, and Jaune with Cinder."

Ren felt a pang at the reminder. "Nora, the fight with the Nuckelavee was a fluke that won't happen again. I was thinking of my parents. I let myself get too emotional."

"I don't care if you get emotional! You're human. Humans have emotions!" Nora snapped. "I care if you get yourself killed." She rested her cheek on Ren's chest with a huff. "Remind me to yell at Jaune about that. I keep forgetting to."

"I will." Ren rubbed Nora's back gently.

Nora yawned, shifting against him. "This isn't right. I was supposed to be comforting you this time."

"I have my Aura," Ren assured her. "I can calm myself."

"That's not the same thing, though." Nora looked up at him. "Being calm and being okay aren't the same."

"If I'm calm, I can act rationally, and help everyone around me. Calm is the best I can hope for." Ren realized that he had probably revealed too much. Nora could always read more into his intentionally-vague statements than anyone else. Sure enough, he felt her shift as she sat up.

Nora turned toward Ren as he sat up with her, glaring firmly at him. "You need to stop thinking it's your job to take care of everyone. At least start caring about yourself as much as you care about me."

When Ren opened his mouth, she held up her hand. "Don't think I don't notice. It's been really obvious these past few months, since my nightmares have been really bad. You always use your Aura on me after I've cried, and after I've vented. The only time you use it on me right away is when I'm panicking. But whenever _you_ start feeling emotional, you use your Aura on yourself right away."

Ren swallowed loudly. _She…noticed that?_

"You never let yourself express negative emotions, and you cover them up immediately the few times you do." Nora reached up to place a hand on Ren's chest. "That's not healthy, Ren. You've always looked out for me. I need you to let me look out for you more. And try to rely less on your Semblance. Okay?"

Ren let out a sigh. Nora was right. He knew she was right. It was too easy to look at how other people should treat themselves, and forget that he too was a person who needed to hold himself to the same standards. "I'll try."

"Good!" Nora nodded, satisfied. She scooted close to him again, though this time, she didn't rest her head on his chest. Instead, she nuzzled her face into his hair and drew him close so that his head was resting in the crook of her neck.

Ren blushed a little at the new position, and at the sudden, overwhelming desire he had to kiss the soft skin that was right next to him. He wanted to activate his Aura, as he would normally do in such a situation, but stopped himself. Nora would definitely notice. But he really wanted to kiss her just then…

In the end, he settled for cuddling close, and "accidentally" brushing his lips against Nora's throat. She hugged him a little tighter.

…

When Nora woke up, it was still dark out. Her heart was thundering in her chest as she became aware of a soft, unmistakable sensation: Ren was kissing her.

She felt the gentle, soft brushes against the side of her neck. Once. Twice. Again. Again.

His arms were wrapped warmly around her, and one of his hands was lightly gripping her arm, his thumb methodically stroking her shoulder.

When Ren shifted and mumbled something nonsensical in a muffled voice, Nora finally realized that he was still asleep. She relaxed, but only a little. Tiny, excited fireworks were going off in her head. Was Ren dreaming about her?

She had felt a definite shift in their relationship after Kuroyuri. That moment on the ship, when they held hands and snuggled together in silence, had felt like more than any of the other moments they had shared in the past. Ren was looking at her more, smiling at her more. She knew it wasn't just her imagination. Still, she hadn't explicitly said anything, since she wanted Ren to be the one to make the first move when he was ready.

If he was at a point where he was dreaming about her, however, maybe she could-

Her thoughts stopped suddenly when a new sensation hit her neck: wetness. Tears were leaking from Ren's eyes, even as he continued to kiss her in his sleep. She felt his grip on her arm tighten.

His breaths became shallower. He kissed her again. "Stay…" he mumbled. "Stay awake…" More tears.

A jolt went through Nora's body, and she was immediately shaking Ren's shoulder. "Ren! Ren, wake up!"

Ren sat bolt upright, staring around, his eyes wide. Everything was dark! Where was Nora?! Where-?!

"Ren!" Nora hugged him around the middle. "I'm here, Ren! You're okay. You were having another nightmare."

Ren blinked, his heart still pounding. He was awake… That moment…had been a dream. Nora was here. Closing his eyes, he started to draw on his Semblance.

Nora, of course, felt it immediately. "Wait, Ren," she pleaded. "Don't just suppress it again. What did we just talk about?" She was heartbroken at the helpless look Ren gave her. "It's okay. I'm the only one here."

Ren shook his head, trying to swallow down the sobs that were threatening to erupt, trying to suppress the images from his most recent dream. "I can't, Nora," he whispered, his voice trembling. "If I start… I won't be able to stop…"

"That's okay." Nora pulled him close, rubbing his back. "I'm here, Ren. Just let it out."

Ren was too spent to resist. In an instant, everything came crashing down in his mind and he started to cry, really cry, for the first time in years. It was more than the tears that had streamed down his face when he saw the Nuckelavee. It was more violent than the angry sobs that had been let out during that fight. His shoulders shook, his breaths came in short gasps, and he knew that he would collapse if Nora let go of him. He gripped her desperately.

"Y-You were…" He sniffed loudly. "You were dying. There was so much…so much…" There had been blood pouring from so many wounds. He didn't remember who or what had inflicted them. The Nuckelavee? Cinder? Salem? It didn't matter. He just remembered clinging to her cold body, kissing her face to try and warm it, begging her to wake up.

Nora felt tears pricking her eyes as she held Ren as tightly as she could. "It's okay, Ren. It wasn't real."

Ren trembled, nuzzling against Nora's shoulder, drawing strength from her solid, warm presence. "It could be, though," he murmured. "I'm so scared, Nora. All the time. And I don't want to be. That's why… That's why…"

Nora carefully combed her fingers through his hair. "We're all scared, Ren. We just need to learn how to master it, so we can keep fighting." She drew back to look at him, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "Deep breaths, okay?"

Ren tried to obey. He felt so drained and weakened, but there was also a weirdly-good feeling, an ache in his head and chest that felt similar to the pain one feels after pulling a thorn from one's foot. It was the pain of letting out what desperately needed to be let out, and the blissful emptiness that came after. He breathed, feeling his shuddering lungs slowly coming back under his control. He managed to smile at Nora, his heart thudding when she smiled back.

 _I need to use it now,_ he thought. The three words that he wanted to say threatened to reach his lips, and he closed his eyes and activated his Semblance. Immediately, a cool, calm feeling spread through his body, muting his roiling emotions until they were manageable, until they could be looked at from a distance with a calm, calculating eye.

Nora didn't stop him this time. She knew he needed to use his Semblance. He was too used to it to just stop completely. "Better?" she asked, touching his shoulder.

"A little," Ren admitted. And it was true. Though the same calm feeling now filled him, it was absent of that slight ache that always came when he used his Semblance to keep himself from crying. "Sorry I woke you."

"Ren, I told you: We're supposed to be taking care of each other. Didn't you tell me that when we first met?" Nora guided him down onto the bed again. "Go ahead and sleep. I'm right here."

"I know." Ren closed his eyes. He bit his lip to keep from saying anything else. Why was he still having problems? His Semblance was activated.

"Goodnight, Ren," Nora whispered.

"Goodnight, Nora," Ren replied. He lay awake for several minutes. When he was sure Nora was asleep, he said in the quietest of voices: "I love you."

He was asleep before he could hear Nora say, just as quietly: "I love you too."

 **I don't know what happened. I had this fluffy idea concerning Ren's Semblance and what it could do if activated a certain way, and it turned into this. I'll have to hold onto the fluffier idea until I can type it the way I envisioned it. In the meantime, I'll see you next week with some kitsune!Jaune action.**

 **If you like what you see and want to join an awesome fan community while earning sweet rewards, my P/atreon is Solora Goldsun.**

 **Peace out!**


End file.
